hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
