i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
