Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
