i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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