We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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