Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
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I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
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Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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