i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
