i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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