smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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