my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
