I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
