Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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