I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
