so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
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