Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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