if i can run in heels then i can drive
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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