Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
