let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
