he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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