i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
