In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me