You just made me feel so damn special
no, he came in my armpit
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm super disappointed in my clit.