The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
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the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
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I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am