the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
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Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
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you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.