I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
from now on my penis is your penis
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
she peed on how many people?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever