I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
