Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
