There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
