How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
