I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
