You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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