you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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