It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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