I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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