Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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