Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
