whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
