broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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