i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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