i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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