She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Life is so much better after having sex.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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