The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
420 ftw
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
