you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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