Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
