Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
