I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
