I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
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