i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
if only i could text you this smell
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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