I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
