I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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