I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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