Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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