I got chris browned last night
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
