I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
NoShamevember. You game?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
