I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
