In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
