So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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