You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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