I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
