Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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