ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
we're so committed to being not committed
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
