when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
