i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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