when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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