You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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