i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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