: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
