He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
