Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
thus making me awesome and them whores
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
