you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
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He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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