Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
