I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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