1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
