tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i already hear my dad disowning me
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
