Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
