Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
