Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
