No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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