How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
