I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
