I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize