i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
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