smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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