I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
