Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
